The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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