you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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