i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
