DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
