and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
