Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I look better un-naked...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
