Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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