You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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