??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
