your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
