I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
