i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
