I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
