I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
