You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
