she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
