party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize