i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
