please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
