did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
