omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
