a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
