Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
