her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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