Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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