you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
