Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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