he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize