the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
