sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize