**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
