There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
