i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
