you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize