how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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