I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
