Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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