I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
