i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
