grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize