This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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