I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was CRYING into my vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
