i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
