I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize