I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
