how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
