Only a mothe r could love this liver
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
