Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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