i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
