Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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