I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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