I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
