Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
