I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
