worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
