Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
