I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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