How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
