Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize