Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
